“Aarambha Shoora” – means, a hero at the beginning. And I think that’s exactly what I have been. I was so enthusiastic and pumped up to start off this blog, I have wilted under the pressure of all the “work”, this takes.

I have been heroic at the beginning and with my job, chores at home and my commitment to being fitter (which I have to say, I am making meager progress), I have lost track of this blog. I wanted to quickly post this snippet to keep this going and to remind my self that there is a lot going on. I have to check a few boxes before posts here become more frequent.

Quick few things I have been thinking about:

1. Wife, still thinks I am sweet
   • It feels nice, and makes me worried a little bit. I attribute it to husband paranoia.
2. I have been thinking a lot about how to be a better parent
   • Every time, I loose my cool with someone on the road or customer service or family, I fear that my kid will learn from seeing me. That scares the shit out of me.
3. I have been trying to talk to my baby, but haven’t been able to say anything meaningful.
   • The last thing I want is my kid and I developing the kind of relationship my father and I share. My dad is ok, but to date, probably because of the kind of upbringing I have had, my dad and I don’t converse – our interactions are very transactional, to the point and usually one of us never gets to complete expressing what’s on their mind.
4. I had plans of reading a book to my baby, haven’t started it.
   • I feel like a complete failure on this front – I am not even able to think up a reason for why this is.

There’s more, but this is for now.

Hoping to power through and be “Anthya Veera” – although, I realize, I can only be an anthya veera after I have accomplished the things I want to provide for my baby and that “providing” is a journey and not an end-state. I just fear immersing myself completely in the quest or struggle for providing and not enjoying the day-to-day stuff.

Somewhere, deep down, I feel it’s the absence of that day-to-day stuff that has probably made the equation between my dad and I what it is today and I, like I said, fear that the most and wouldn’t want my baby and me to grow apart like that.

Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best!