I am becoming a father! There – it is in the open now! That said, what an apt title for the first blog – I have to confess, technically, this is not my first blog. But, this is my first anonymous blog. Right now, even my wife is unaware about this blog. She will know about it – just not sure when. I wish to keep this anonymous till I decide to go public about the new addition to our family. The reason for anonymity is because “we” have decided to keep it this way and only progressively disclose the joy of our news to family and friends as the time becomes appropriate to each individual in our family and friends group.

I keep referring to “we” because right now the decision to open this up to everyone is not entirely mine. My wife wants me to in fact keep this news away from social media as well. I understand, but God! I am becoming a father and there is no way I can keep quite about it. Growing up over all these years, I had developed grandiose ideas and visions about what kind of a man I will grow up into, what kind of a son I will be to my mother, brother to my siblings, friend I will be to the people near and dear to me. I had dreams, principles and values about the kind of boyfriend, husband I will be. All of which I carefully and iteratively developed over the years from the experiences I had, from the observations I made about my friends in these various roles, by paying attentions to everything everybody shared with me about their feelings to groom myself to be an ideal person in all these roles. How successful I have been in each of these roles because of all this learning – the less I speak of it the better 😛 Kidding aside, I have at least been honest to myself and all the people who are important to me are still part of my life; varying degrees, but still part nonetheless and that I think is good enough.

Much like this, I had envisioned fatherhood too. I have seen fathers who have been more friends than parents, and fathers who could shame the harshest dictators the world has seen. I learned from all of them. Observed them. Made tiny mental notes about what I liked and what I may have done differently. And swear to GOD, I haven’t been able to remember any of these notes, ever since I found out that we are expecting. I am happy, excited, scared, worried all at the same time.

The only thing I have been thinking about is how to be a better provider! How to become someone who would find a way to never say no to my child.

Of course, I have loads of silly thoughts fleeting through my mind, none of which I want to forget – hence this blog.